Arise Like A Phoenix

In my meanderings I came across a description of narcissistic abuse that has always stayed with me because it describes it so well.

Narcissistic abuse is like going skydiving, you’re ready for an adventure, only instead your partner pushes you out of the plane, without a parachute. And as you’re falling you look up and you can see your partner smiling and laughing at you as your free falling. You hit the ground battered, bruised and broken. Your partner doesn’t turn the plane around, they don’t stop to see if you’re okay, they don’t come to your aide, they don’t even apologize. Instead they float down effortlessly with a new person they picked up along the way. It’s not just your bones they shattered, it was your self worth, your trust, your safety, your truth. Everything you thought was true is now untrue. Nothing makes sense anymore. All the happy memories turn to disappointment and sorrow. Sadness and regret. You don’t understand love anymore because you’ve met evil face to face. It kills a part of you. It leaves you so confused, so lost.

It’s a dark struggle back to the light when someone warps your reality. I need to understand people, to understand why people can be so cruel, so cold, so heartless, so I buried my head in anything I could read or listen to to find some sort of understanding. Truth is you can read as much as you want all it’s going to tell you is you just pretty much met the dark side. God gave us free will, so reality is they choose to be cruel and evil. That was the bitterest fucking pill I ever had to take. But once I got that through my head (and quite honestly a lot of prayer) I was able to begin to put myself back together. They choose to be evil and manipulative, they have the character flaws not you. It truly does come down to who you allow to sit at your table. If they didn’t earn a spot. Fuck em’ you don’t need them. I bet if you truly look back on the relationship you will realize without a doubt they needed you way more then you needed them.