Arise Like A Phoenix

I heard a description of Narcissistic Personality Disorder that put a lot into perspective for me.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not a sane person. It is a severe mental illness, a stunted child trapped in a set of defense mechanisms so thick they can’t access their trauma or authentic self ever again. Their reality is delusional and inverted. They believe they have abused. They believe they are the victim and no evidence you give them will ever make them see otherwise. When you realize this a stunted child trapped in an adults body that’s living in an inverted fun house where the can not take accountability because they are not capable. They don’t have the capacity to do this. Once you realize this you can let go of that pathological hope that you will ever get that validation from them and that you will convince them that they hurt you and that you’re not the crazy one. This is a bona fide mental illness as Professor Sam Thakin points out that has attributes to every other mental illness including schizophrenia. This is not just a jerk that’s without reality. Like say a psychopath with no reality but with holds it tactfully for a goal. This person is lost in a funhouse they can never escape from. Once you understand that, you can really resolve to give up on trying.

Being stuck in a fun house resonated with me because I felt like that’s what my life had become. It was like looking in those distorted fun house mirrors. Nothing was ever what it seemed. Life had become like walking on that fun house floor always moving under your feet never having full balance.

I can’t express how hard the journey was back to the light after living so long in the dark. I saw darkness I couldn’t even begin to describe. I can tell you once you’ve healed you will never be fooled again. Fun Houses are great entertainment but I know I won’t ever live in one again.